Raw
by Black Tangled Heart
Summary: Satine's last time onstage...even NORAH cried and she WROTE this!


Raw  
  
© Black Tangled Heart  
  
Dedicated to: Effect Without a Cause, Arsenic and She's a Star  
  
She held her breath, waiting for the rumbling in her stomach to quiet. The corset that bound her chest and waist constricted her inhalation into shallow wisps. Her temples ached from the tightness of the red coil of brittle curls that was fashioned in a crown atop her head. The pain seared from her scalp, down her neck and through her spine; resting at a burning spot near her lower back, increasing the piercing in her raw chest cavity.  
  
She fought to breathe, tasting metallic blood in her tender throat. It was a torturous fire, but a high was emitted from the sensations of pain, which were sliding through her mind and figure. She didn't understand this euphoria; for she knew that death would soon be upon her.  
  
She saw the thundering crowd through blurry vision as she was raised by the other courtesans to give the final performance of her life. The glittering, jeering jewels fashioned on her purple costume only irritated her soul, while the increasing waves of nausea stabbed through her mouth into the form of a song.  
  
"Kiss, hand; diamonds, best friend," she purred through the gurgle of blood at the base of her throat. As she was set down onto her bare feet, the high of pain diminished. It was quickly replaced by anger at seeing the disgusting Duke in the front row, with roses, nonetheless.  
  
She wished with the whole of her aching, straining heart that Christian were sitting in the Duke's place. She envisioned his broad smile; the smile that always gave her strength. 'I've got to find the will to carry on' she thought.  
  
"Kiss," she continued, through silken lips, her smooth lip colour hiding the blood that stained them. "Grand, diamonds; best friend." She wheezed at this point, feeling her whole form tighten. Her delicate hand fluttered up to her chest as she struggled to suck in a mouthful of oxygen.  
  
She thought of her penniless poet once again; his naïve kisses, his subtle charm. She knew he was alone now, with a heavy heart. Satine felt like an emotionless monster for shunning him. He was the one who had bent that bars of the cage she had been trapped in…  
  
"Men, cold," she continued, desperately wishing for velvet wings to appear on her delicate shoulder blades. "Girls, old. And we all lose our charms in the end…" Airborne, she would break the chains that held her down and escape into the misty night…If only Christian were there with her to flee into paradise by her side…  
  
The blue light that surrounded her gave her smooth, flawless complexion an eerie glow. It was supposed to reflect her pride; but on the contrary, it symbolized her ever-deepening sorrow.  
  
Satine surveyed the expectant crowd and heard the thrum of voices behind her as the joined in harmonizing song. The song was a blatant lie. She knew that a diamond could never match how precious Christian was. She was aware that he would never become emotionally frigid when her body withered and her hair turned a ghostly white. She knew she'd never lose her gift of song, and her love for the one who was nowhere to be seen.  
  
Her piercing soprano called out for silence. It made her throat raw, but the flesh soon became numb. Her heart felt like lead; it weighed both her shattered soul and weary body down.  
  
She shuddered momentarily, gasping for breath. She wished she could collapse into Christian's warm embrace; inhale his familiar scent of Absinthe and tobacco mixed with sweat and a fragrance that was his own; the one she clung to like her life's last breath…  
  
No matter what happened tonight; on that stage, she'd be with him until the end of time. "Come what may…" she whispered softly, choking back a bubble of blood.  
  
She felt herself being lifted up by greedy hands, eager to prod at her weak bones and bruised flesh. "Diamonds are a, diamonds are a, diamonds are a, diamonds are a, diamonds are a…" her vocal chords propelled the song mechanically through the crimson fluid in her throat. When the heavy pattern of diamonds was set upon her chest; her breath flew away like the dove she longed to be.  
  
She felt her feet touch the stage, and Harold's beefy arms surround her fragile shoulders. Even when she was drowning in pain that he was oblivious to, the familiarity of his embrace wrapped her in a tiny shard of comfort.  
  
"Girl's…best…friend…" Her chest burned.  
  
"She is mine," Harold's voice echoed over the crowd. Satine saw the horrific Duke mirror Zidler's words. Her fragile heart instantly shattered. As the red velvet curtain fell, the pieces of her soul tumbled down into the depths of oblivion.  
  
~*~  
  
The cold vial was full of bitter liquid. Marie's fingers wound themselves soothingly through Satine's brittle hair. "A bit more for me lovey, there you go..." she coaxed the young woman. The dressing room was bright, but it seemed to darken the little hope Satine had left. The Hindi wedding gown had been wrapped tightly around her; it might have well been a dress made of chains. It was a symbol of her enslavement, her bind to the underworld.  
  
Her cerulean gaze caught the reflection of the one she truly loved. She saw the pain scrawled across his face as though he had actually spoken the words of grief.  
  
"I've come to pay my bill," his voice was solemn and grey; it held an undercurrent of malice that scared her. Her heart beat so violently that she was afraid of it bursting right through her brittle ribcage. It couldn't be her Christian, so icy and callous.  
  
Satine drew in a sharp, painful breath and advanced towards him, fixing her flawless face into an expressionless façade.  
  
"You shouldn't be here Christian," she breathed. "Just leave."  
  
Christian's face took on a quality that made him appear to have just swallowed a mouthful of venom. The fire came out in his words. "You made me believe that you loved me," he snarled, his eyes flashing. "Why shouldn't I pay you?"  
  
"Please," Satine begged, wishing more than anything to wrap him in her arms and passionately kiss away all his pain…It made her memory of their first kiss resurface. His lips delicately, even nervously pressing against her lush mouth, seeming to soak up her exuberance and grace, His naïve fingers weaving an unknown pattern across her back as they melted together…  
  
She brushed past Christian, not daring to meet his unflinching gaze. He followed her as she swept down the corridor. Tears blurred her vision as she fought with every ounce of strength just to breathe…  
  
She turned to face him with horror in her azure eyes. His voice was unfamiliar, dripping with bitterness. "You did your job so very, very well..." Satine cringed at the words that followed. "Why can't I pay you like everyone else does?"  
  
"Please Christian, that's not why, just leave..." Satine shook violently, blood flooding her throat like a river of pain and malicious torture. She raised her tear stained face, only to see the Duke's manservant; he held a gun in his thick hand. "Go," she pleaded him, her voice filled with poignant urgency. "Please go..."  
  
Warner advanced toward them with a triumphant grin on his face; amused by Satine's complete hysteria. The writer would cease to exist in mere seconds. The ferocious man drove a panic-stricken Satine and tormented Christian towards the stage…  
  
Through her pain-washed view of Christian, she saw his mouth open and heard the desperation tumble from his cracked lips. "Let me pay! Let me pay! Tell me it wasn't real!" he raged. "Tell me you don't love me!"  
  
Satine helplessly let out a wail of frustration and pain.  
  
"Tell me you don't love me!" Christian's strangled cry rang in her ears.  
  
"Christian!" she sobbed; struggling to suck in breath. Her chest felt as though it were aflame.  
  
"Tell me you don't love me!"  
  
Just when she thought her situation couldn't worsen, she found herself exposed beneath the hot lights of the stage. She could have been a naked foetus on that platform; she was just as defenceless.  
  
The white gossamer lace wedding gown and smeared makeup only stripped away her façade to depict how fragile she really was; like glass.  
  
Satine didn't hear Zidler's unnaturally loud words of shock. The only thing that registered was the pile of francs beside her and snatches of Christian's choked realization of false truth…he finally had come to terms with the lies she told him in order to save herself…The tears in his voice made her heart burst. How could she have been so completely selfish?  
  
"This woman is yours now," he gestured to her, his features distorted with agony. She gazed up at him; her lips trembling and bloodstained, her eyes watery and her skin papery. "I've paid my whore." He choked on the final word: 'whore'. She was nothing more than that. "I owe you nothing." He shut his eyes tightly. "And you are n-nothing to me. Thank you for curing me of my r-ridiculous ob-obsession w-with love."  
  
Christian let out a final primal wail and stumbled off the extravagant stage. Satine rested her cheek against the stage and heard Zidler's words close to her ear.  
  
"Pumpkin, it's for the best," he tried to assure her. But her heart knew she couldn't live without him. The show would only drag her misery on. "You know it is. The show must go on." She caught Christian's watery gaze, feeling the tears flow mercilessly down her pale cheeks. She shook her head violently, trying to shut off the bright, jeering light and make the crowd dissolve. She wanted to forget the show and just fly away…  
  
She felt Zidler's burly arms enclose her frail body in warmth. He raised her up and proclaimed: "And now my bride, it is time for you to raise your voice to the heavens and say your wedding vows!" Satine helplessly watched Christian stride towards the theatre's exit.  
  
There was a shout from above, like all the angels in the mythical clouds of heaven had heard Satine's plea. Toulouse's call rose up and poured over the audience like wine.  
  
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return!"  
  
Satine's withered soul brightened just the tiniest bit at those words. Using what strength she had left, she let her voice ripple over the crowd.  
  
"Never knew I could feel like this," she began, barely trusting her own voice. "Like I've never seen the sky before," with each word, her song became stronger, fuelled by her love for the penniless poet. "Want to vanish inside your kiss. Every day I'm loving you more and more…" Christian turned at the words of truth, and Satine's blemished spirit began a steady climb to ecstasy. She rose up and stretched out her pale ivory hand toward him, ready to embrace him warmly. "Listen to my heart, can you hear it sing?" she asked him, watching with glorious anticipation as love filled his eyes.  
  
"Come back to me and forgive everything!" She wheezed, pressing a hand to her stark white chest. "Seasons may change, winter to spring," she found her voice and sang sweetly, loving the way the beautiful words caressed her tongue. "But I love you," she whispered. "Until the end of time…"  
  
"Come what may," Christian broke in, directing the audience's attention to his enthralling voice and the movement of his figure towards the open arms of the woman he loved. Satine sighed with blissful relief.  
  
"Come what may…come what may…come what may…I will love you…" Christian continued, his voice swelling with passion as each word escaped his lips.  
  
"I will love you," Satine's voice blended with his. Tears formed in her blue eyes again, but these were joyful tears. "Until my dying day…" Christian joined his love on the stage and swept her frail body up into his arms.  
  
"CWISTIAN!" Toulouse burst out, his voice strangled and his painted face twisted with panic. "He's TWYING TO KIWW YOU!"  
  
Christian couldn't reply, the response from the crowd of spectators was too deafening. Through the laughter of the audience, Christian and Satine continued to join in song as they were lifted high above the crowd; their arms outstretched; their souls were bare, raw, full of love. When they were set down, fragrant rose petals fell around their bodies. Satine's smile was genuine for the first time in so long…  
  
She could see the Duke stampeding like a rabid dog/elephant hybrid towards the stage; gun in hand. Worry vanished from her mind when Zidler's fist connected with the Duke's nose, sending the gun sailing through glass, and Satine's spirit up high…  
  
The curtain fell with a magnificent swish of glory.  
  
Pain shot through her; a fire she had never experienced before in her whole life. Her body felt as through it were being torn apart, cell by cell, strand by strand. She felt her knees give in and her choking gasp echoed inside her mind. Her weak body sank to the depth of the stage. Death was to be embraced and welcomed in a state of such torment…  
  
"Satine?" Christian choked. "Darling, darling, what's the matter?" He fell to his knees with a raw throat. His tears fell like blood onto Satine's chilled skin. He kissed her bloodied lips, his dark hair brushing across her cheeks. Satine's vision was blurry; she gasped, the noise wretched and black.  
  
"I'm sorry Christian," she whispered, the blood bubbling in her throat. She fought to pull in oxygen. She felt as though her lungs were made of lead. " I-I- I'm dying… I'm so sorry…" She couldn't force out any more apologies. Keeping her eyes open was a struggle. She let out a shallow breath of regret, wishing she could live past this moment…  
  
"Shhh…" Christian soothed her, even though the tears were streaming steadily down his beautiful face. "You'll be all right, you'll be all right…"  
  
"I'm cold," Satine told him, her voice smeared with the gurgle of blood and barely audible. "Hold me…"  
  
"I love you," he moaned, rubbing his nose and lips against her ashen skin, desperate to return colour and life to her cheeks. Her lips were right next to his ear, but he could hardly hear her words.  
  
"You've got to go on Christian."  
  
"C-Can't go on without you," he sobbed, his body shaking violently as he watched his love's breath slipping away.  
  
"You've got so much to give…tell our story Christian." Her memory was flooded with the warmth of his touch, their laughter and love…She could feel his arms around her as they swayed on the dance floor; she could taste the absinthe that lingered on his lips as they whispered and kissed one another in the dark…She felt whole in his arms, priceless when they made love, beautiful when he caressed her cheek…she felt alive…  
  
And now she was moments from death…  
  
"No," he whispered. That was the last word she'd ever hear fall from his lips.  
  
"Yes, that way, I'll always be with you…" Her azure eyes closed, the pale lashes brushing against her cold skin. Her spirit slid from her lifeless body and rose easily, up high above the crowd. She saw Christian sobbing within the bed of white and scarlet rose petals, clinging desperately to her corpse, kissing her frozen lips while the audience let thunderous cheers fill the theatre…  
  
"I'll always be with you, Christian…"  
  
~*~ 


End file.
